i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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