whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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