have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
