If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
