Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
