Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
