you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
