I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
