Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
