Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
