did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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