I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
