Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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