I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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