i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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