I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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