Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
