Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
