totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
