I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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