How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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