Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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