I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
