saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
