you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
