What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
