just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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