I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
