oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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