i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
