I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
