I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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