I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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