no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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