How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
