Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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