I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
