dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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