sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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