I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Boobs are out for the taking
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
