chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
