where am i from again
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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