i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
