how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
