the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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