I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
