Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
