at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
