: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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