I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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