so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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