thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
