I think I died a long time ago.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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