you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
